A Time For Everything

 Life, Naughty  Comments Off on A Time For Everything
Jun 042016
 

Apologies, dear reader (readers? echoing void?) for I have been a lax dog, and have been far too busy with important things such as eating, sleeping, and passing wind to jot down these little notes to the Universe. But Time has passed, and I return, at least briefly.

Now, I’m not much of a religious dog, but I do believe that the writer of Ecclesiastes may have had a point when they wrote that there is a time for everything. Although I find myself concerned about some of the serious omissions in that famous list. What of a time for barking at the neighbours? A time for scaring the wotsits out of the courier? A time for punching Them on the sofa until they get me a chew and groom me? A time for walking into a room, belching in someone’s face, then sitting down to fart happily? Major gaps in an otherwise insightful piece of poetry.

Anyway, I digress. For not only is there a Time for everything, there is also a Place. This is important. Very important.

But first, a warning. Dear reader, if reader there be, should you be of a delicate disposition I advise you to stop here, for today I must discuss the vital but perhaps base matter of … defecation.

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 Posted by at 5:56 pm

All things are edible

 Life, Naughty  Comments Off on All things are edible
Jul 152015
 

I, Chef Gibson, continue on my mission to demonstrate that there is virtually nothing that cannot be eaten. Or at least given a good go, with or without condiments.

My culinary adventures have been relatively limited in recent weeks, but yesterday I felt the urge to branch out onto new trails and indulged myself with a few quick mouthfuls of someone else’s vomit. Sadly, just as I was starting to fully appreciate the complex flavours and really tuck in, She spotted me and pulled me away. There is no justice, no understanding of the needs and drives of the true epicure.

Still, it’s a little something that I can add to my┬álist of experimental cuisine, complementing delicately some long-standing favourites such as poo (mine), poo (other dogs), poo (cat), poo (hedgehog); poo (bags); sticks; stones; acorns; paper; remote controls (various); grass; daffodils (poisonous, who knew?); bark (tree, not dog, obvs!); unripe blueberries (stolen); and assorted garden plants whilst helping with pruning.

 Posted by at 11:54 am

On gardening

 Life, Naughty  Comments Off on On gardening
Jan 162014
 
What are you insinuating?

What are you insinuating?

I like gardening. Unfortunately They don’t seem to do a great deal of it, although I have heard mutterings about “when I used to be able to garden, before the flipping dog” from time to time. So it’s probably a good thing I like gardening, because it means I can help. Which is nice. Always good to put a little bit back.

I try to do a little bit of helping most times I go outside. There are always leaves to clear up, stones that need moving (and occasionally disappearing), and frequent side-projects. A recent success was the removal of a whole line of bamboo canes from around the pond. I only had to uproot six or seven, and chew off another pawful before they got the message and removed the rest for me. Everything is now much more attractive with some large flower pots weighting down the net. And it sags a bit more, so I can drink out of the pond again. Result.

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You put a little bit in …

 Naughty  Comments Off on You put a little bit in …
Sep 172013
 

The thing about Life is, it’s full of opportunities for fun. You have to remember this, otherwise it can really bring you down. Everywhere you go, look for fun. If you can’t find fun, wind someone up until it becomes fun. You’ll be surprised how quickly this can happen.

In the last week or two I have discovered rain. You’re probably already familiar with this, but in case you’re not, it’s basically just water that falls out of the sky in lots of tiny bits. Don’t know why, don’t know how, don’t really much care. Whatever, it’s nothing to be bothered about, although it does seem to bring Them down a bit. Me, I think rain’s basically OK. Not least because if it hadn’t been for rain, I may never have discovered towels.

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The Importance of Lead Etiquette

 Life, Naughty  Comments Off on The Importance of Lead Etiquette
Sep 152013
 
My lead

My lead

I am coming to understand that The Lead is a very important item, and carries with it a host of complex social and behavioural obligations. My early experiences were decidedly mixed, but They have persevered, and I think I’m getting it now. One can say a lot with a lead.

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